Forgiven
by kinole009x
Summary: What if Merlin received a prophecy that Morgana would have to be turned to good in order for Arthur to be king of Camelot?  He and Gaius temporarily erase her memorory but what happens when she regains it?  Can they turn her to good after even so?
1. Prophecy

_A/N: I was very hestitant about starting a Merlin fan fiction because I love the show so much and I didn't want to ruin characterization or plot points or anything. But I really wanted to try so this might prove to be just an experiment, although I would like to go all the way with it. I tried really hard to stay in character so I hope I succeeded!_

_So, in this fic, Morgause did die. This is my theory of what would happen if Morgause did die and if our Merlin friends were forced to help Morgana out. In my head, it's more interesting than it sounds, I promise. _

_Copyright: I do not own anything Merlin related, although that would be neat. :)_

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><p><em>Chapter 1: Prophecy<em>

_"The witch must live."_

Merlin's eyes shot open. Although the room was quieter than the forest and darker than Uther's black heart, he could have sworn he heard a voice – a loud, persistent voice. He closed his eyes uneasily. It reminded him too much of when he used to hear the Great Dragon's voice in his head…and Mordred's.

_"She must live, Merlin."_

Again, he opened his eyes. He sat up and looked at his window intensely. Was that where the voice was coming from? He continued to watch it, waiting and wondering.

_"I'm not up there, Merlin."_

He immediately scrambled out of his bed and pulled on his boots and jacket. He had to find the voice; that was his only choice. Although his mind – the same mind that the voice happened to be coming from - advised him against it, something deep inside told him it was important.

He quietly opened the door to his room, wincing as it squeaked a bit. Gaius's sleeping form merely grunted. Walking very carefully through the dark chambers, Merlin kept his ears alert for any sign of the voice again. He was so intent on this task that he walked into the table, knocking a cup onto the floor. Gaius stirred a bit before resuming his snores.

When Merlin finally got himself out of the castle, he carefully navigated the empty back streets, doing his best to avoid any guards. After wandering around aimlessly for awhile, he was just about to give up, when he saw a cloaked figure standing near the stocks, the same stocks he was frequently locked in. The figure was silent and still, and although Merlin could not make out a face, he knew whatever it was, was staring at him.

_"I have a prophecy for you, Merlin,"_ said the deep, female voice. Merlin stared. The voice had not come from the figure, but had merely arrived in his head again.

_"What is it?"_ Merlin thought warily, communicating through his mind.

_"You must find the witch immediately. She must be protected so that she may turn to good and live. Only she can restore the balance in Camelot and only then can Arthur become king."_

Merlin said nothing, staring at the figure without truly seeing anything.

_"You know who it is I speak of, Merlin. I speak of the Lady Morgana."_

Merlin felt his stomach burn in anger at the thought of Morgana and of the events that had happened the night before. The last he had seen of her was when she had screamed down the walls of the throne room. She had disappeared with Morgause's body and now everything was in disarray.

_"She won't turn to good," _Merlin thought, swallowing hard. _"She is beyond saving."_

_"I have warned you, Merlin. Now you must do what you can, no matter how impossible things may seem."_ And then the figure turned and disappeared into the fog.

Merlin stood still, staring where the figure had once been and thinking about the strange message. He told himself the only thing to do was go back to bed. He would go back to his bed and maybe tell Gaius about it in the morning. Then he would polish Arthur's armor, repair his chainmail, and muck out his stables. This bizarre, impossible prophecy would be forgotten.

But instead of turning back to the castle, Merlin turned to the direction of the gates.

He knew he had to find Morgana before Arthur and the knights of Camelot did.

/

Merlin found Morgana sooner than he had expected. He had been running through the forest, occasionally tripping over something, believing he wouldn't find her and that he was merely on a fool's errand. He could imagine the figure laughing at his stupidity. _Let's fool, Merlin! What fun it is to always fool Merlin and get Merlin into ridiculous situations!_ But his frustrations disappeared when he heard the sounds of someone sobbing.

Hiding behind a bush, Merlin found himself looking up a hill with a lone, large oak tree sitting atop it. Morgana was sitting under that same tree, holding Morgause's lifeless body to her chest, crying uncontrollably into her blonde hair. Anger flamed in Merlin's chest as he remembered her betrayal and everything she had put them through. But that flame was softened by pity and he couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry for her. He knew what it was like to lose someone close. He knew what it felt like to hold a lifeless body and cry.

Merlin forced the thoughts of Gaius, Will, Freya, and his father out of his mind as he slowly stretched out his hand. He muttered a single word and his blue eyes briefly flashed golden in the blackness of the forest. Morgana fell unconscious over her half-sister's dead body.

Everything was silent. Merlin stayed in the bushes for a moment, before running up the hillside. He fell to his knees and dragged Morgause's body away from Morgana.

Merlin moved towards Morgana, trying to figure out the best way to carry her back to Camelot. As he was debating this, he watched her face for any sign of movement or consciousness. There was none. There were just the remains of tears, sparkling in the moonlight as they rested on her pale face, which stood out brightly in contrast from her red dress.

He shook his head against the thought that was forming in his head. _No, Merlin._ He did not owe her or Morgause any kindness. He knew he should take Morgana away that instant and leave Morgause's body to rot. After all, that's what they would have done had it been him.

But instead, he found himself sitting down and concentrating on the ground. Muttering a continuous slur of incantations, he dug a hole in the ground with his eyes. He let his power take over so that the task would be done quickly. And then, he picked up Morgause's body, and dropped it in.

He held his hand out and whispered. Fire erupted from the hole.

With the flames of the fire hot on his face, he lifted Morgana into his arms and hurried down the hill. As he listened to the distant crackle of the flames, he knew he had done too much already and wondered if this deed would come to any good at all.

Merlin saw Camelot in the distance just as the rays of dawn began touching the earth. His arms ached and his head was muddled with confused thoughts. He stealthily snuck to the gates, hiding in shadows here and hiding behind objects there. As the guards stood sleepily at their post, Merlin reached out a hand and murmured something in his mind. There was a loud bang and a bale of hay lit on fire. The guards rushed to it in alarm and Merlin took that opportunity to sneak into the city walls, only breathing a sigh of relief when he was safely back in Gaius's chambers. He gently shut the door with his foot and turned to the room, expecting to see Gaius still sleeping peacefully.

But Gaius wasn't in his bed. He was sitting at a table with a candle and judging by the melting wax, he had been sitting there for much for the night. The old physician raised his eyebrows as he took in the sight of the kingdom's enemy in Merlin's arms and softly tapped his fingers against the wood.

"I suppose you have an excellent explanation for this, Merlin."

Merlin looked down at the unconscious body with a perplexed look before looking back at Gaius.

"Er," he said slowly. "I sort of found her."

"You're going to hand her over to Arthur?" Gaius asked with polite interest.

"Not exactly," Merlin said, opening his mouth to form some kind of coherent, sane explanation, and instead coming out with the truth.

"It's going to sound insane, Gaius, but there was this voice and it said that Morgana had to live and be turned to good in order for Arthur to become king of Camelot."

Gaius was silent for a moment as he thought about this. "Who would give you such a prophecy, Merlin?"

"I don't know. I think it was a woman."

"And you believe her?"

"She knew my name," Merlin insisted. "She managed to get into the city. It had to be important. I don't see why anyone would make it up."

"What if it was Morgause?" Gaius asked. "What if Morgause survived and was trying to get Morgana back into Camelot?"

Merlin said nothing. He walked over to Gaius's bed and laid Morgana upon it. He sat at the table across from Gaius, watching the flickering candle. Finally, he looked up and met Gaius's waiting eyes.

"Morgause is dead. I burned her body myself."

Gaius nodded. "Well, Merlin, I trust your judgment. And if you see this as being for the best, then I will aid you in any way I can."

Merlin let out a noisy breath of relief and smiled. "Thank you, Gaius."

Gaius smiled the smallest of smiles back, before motioning with his head to the unconscious figure. "So what do you plan to do when she wakes up?"

Merlin squinted and tilted his head as he thought. "I don't know," he admitted.

"Well then," Gaius said as he heaved himself to his feet and circled around the table. "I suppose we should start there."


	2. Secrets

_Chapter 2: Secrets_

It was one of the most hopeless sights that Merlin had ever laid eyes upon.

Gaius's table was covered in books, thick volumes of scientific knowledge and such, along with Merlin's heavy book of magic. For hours upon hours, they had leafed through the pages of the books, searching for ideas to the demanding question of Morgana's presence...because although they had already tried one thing, they needed something _more_.

When the sun was fully in the sky that afternoon, Gaius went to make his rounds and left Merlin to continue the quest for knowledge. Merlin had fallen asleep when suddenly a sharp yell ripped through his consciousness.

As Merlin bolted to an upright position, a page from the book he was sleeping on ripped out of the binding and stuck to his face. Snatching it away and flinging open the door, he saw Gwaine in the corridor in a half-crouch, holding his sword pulled back and at the level of his eyes. He was pointing his weapon at…

…Morgana.

Merlin's mind reeled. How had she gotten out of the room? _Oh right Merlin, you were sleeping when you weren't supposed to be_. But the real question was, had _it_ worked? He thought of earlier in the morning when he had brought her back to Gaius's chambers…

_Gaius slammed a hand upon the table, unintentionally making Merlin jump to attention._

"_A potion!" Gaius said triumphantly. "One that will make Morgana forget!"_

"_Forget what?" Merlin asked._

"_Everything about Morgause!"_

_Merlin stared at him, still not quite sure what he meant._

"_This potion," Gaius explained, scanning his finger down the page, "will make a person forget anything you want them to. We can enchant it so that Morgana will forget all the events that happened the day Morgause arrived, as well as everything that came after."_

"_So we will enchant it so that she never knew Morgause?" Merlin asked slowly._

_Gaius leaned forward and nodded. "Exactly," he said in a hushed voice. "She won't remember anything about the past year."_

"_But it's only temporary, isn't it?"_

"_It is," Gaius agreed. "But it will allow us to buy our time so we can think of something better."_

_Gaius immediately went over to the counter which held endless arrays of liquids and tubes. Carefully following the instructions of the book, he put together a concoction that he hoped would work. After twenty minutes, he gave it to Merlin, who had been watching him curiously the entire time. _

_Merlin held it up to the light, staring at it intensely, and said the words of the spell in a low voice. As his eyes turned golden, he filled his mind with thoughts of Morgause's first arrival in Camelot. According to Gaius and the book, the potion would hinge entirely on what he thought in his mind; the success of the potion depended on it. He knew he had to think of exactly the right moment and he hoped that he had. He handed it back to Gaius and waited._

_Gaius took it and studied it. The green liquid had turned a shimmering purple. He nodded in grim satisfaction, before turning to Morgana. He leaned over and poured a tiny bit into her mouth. She did not move._

"_Well Merlin," he said. "Now all we can do is wait." _

_Shortly after, Merlin carried Morgana to his own room and placed her on the bed. He wasn't sure how long she would remain unconscious, so he pulled the blankets over her. He stood there for a few moments, looking down at her peaceful face._

_She had been his friend._

_His blood went cold as he once again thought of her plots and schemes. Turning away from her, he couldn't help but think of how hopeless the situation was. She would always hold hatred in her heart for Uther, and after all, isn't that what had fueled her journey to the dark side to begin with?_

_Merlin left the room. Although he had gotten little sleep, he still had to assist Arthur._

Gwaine's eyes darted over to Merlin and he let out an audible, dramatic sigh of relief. "Merlin! Look who I found sniveling around the castle!"

"How dare you!" Morgana exclaimed in an offended tone. "I do _not_ snivel!"

Gwaine crouched even lower. "I'll hold her off," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "while you get Arthur!"

Morgana indignantly turned to Merlin, who was still standing in the doorway in shock. "Merlin, what is the meaning of this?" she demanded.

Merlin opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. A smile slowly spread across his face as the realization dawned on him…_the potion had worked!_ Surely if hadn't, Gwaine would be burnt to a crisp already.

Gwaine rose to his full height. "I understand completely," he said, clapping Merlin on the shoulder. "It's too dangerous. We should handle this together."

"What is all this?" an astonished voice exclaimed as two figures rounded the corner. Merlin looked to see Gaius hurrying down the corridor, with Gwen on his heels. When Gwen saw Morgana, she stopped uncertainly, fear darkening her eyes.

Morgana sighed in relief. "Finally, Gaius!" She made her way over to the old physician with a welcoming smile that Merlin hadn't seen in the longest time. "I'm so glad you're here. Maybe you could help this poor man." Her eyes darkened as she stared Gwaine down. "He's clearly out of his mind."

Merlin pulled Gwaine aside and pressed a coin into his hand. Confused, Gwaine looked at him. "What's this for?"

"Good work," Merlin said brightly. "Perhaps you should celebrate at the pub."

Gwaine looked back at Morgana, before nodding. "Perhaps you're right." He roughly slid his sword back in the sheath, it's sharp ring filling the air. He walked backwards, pointing a warning finger at Morgana, until he reached his exit and left.

"What was all that about?" Morgana asked in disbelief as she turned around. "And who's dress am I wearing?"

Gwen wrung her hands together and swallowed hard. "It's yours, milady."

"Why don't you come inside?" Gaius suggested, taking Morgana by the arm and opening the door of his chambers. Before Merlin could follow, Gwen grabbed his arm, holding him back.

"Merlin, what is she doing here?" she asked in a voice strangled with worry.

"Gaius didn't tell you?"

"He didn't have time to!"

"It's all right," Merlin assured her gently.

Gwen gave him a disbelieving look.

"We'll explain later, I promise," Merlin assured her. "But for now, just play along." He pulled her into Gaius's chambers.

"I awoke in Merlin's bed," Morgana was saying as she sat at the table. "How did I get here, Gaius?"

"You have not been feeling well," Gaius said. "The king has decided that you should stay here a few days so that I may treat you more effectively."

Merlin watched her closely for any reaction at the mention of Uther. She showed no emotion and Merlin felt deeper relief as he realized their potion spell had definitely, without doubt, worked.

"I am feeling much better," she admitted, still confused. "Thank you, Gaius."

Gaius bowed his head.

"Surely I'm free to go now?" Morgana pressed. "I was just on my way to my chambers, to change."

Merlin realized that that was the reason she had left the physican's quarters. It was then that she had run into Gwaine and Gwaine, still remembering that she had threatened Camelot, tried to stop her. He also realized that she couldn't be seen by anyone else in the castle or risk ruining the prophetic plan.

"Your chambers were destroyed," he blurted out and Gaius turned, giving him a sharp look.

Morgana instinctively looked to Gwen for reassurance. Gwen, obviously uncomfortable, nodded. Morgana turned back to Gaius in alarm. "How?"

"What an interesting question, milady," Gaius said thickly, with a disapproving frown. "Perhaps Merlin, you should explain to her the cause."

Merlin froze as his mind worked quickly, grasping desperately for an explanation. His thoughts touched slightly on the truth.

"There was an attack on Camelot," he said quickly and Morgana began to rise from the chair in surprise.

"I don't remember there being an attack," she whispered.

"You suffered a head injury," Merlin said slowly. The other three in the room waited expectantly for him to go on, but he didn't.

"I feel fine," Morgana insisted.

"The head injury has made your nightmares worse," Gaius said, taking over Merlin's story to save it. "The king fears for your safety as well, and would like you to stay here for now."

Morgana once more looked to Gwen, and Gwen, realizing she had to play her part, slowly walked over to her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Milady, I'll get your clothes."

Morgana nodded, her eyes traveling from Gwen's face to the floor. "Thank you, Gwen."

Gaius put a hand over Morgana's, trying to lift her obviously deflated mood. "It will be _all right_."

Merlin realized he was still holding the ripped page from the book. He handed it to the displeased Gaius with an apologetic smile, before following Gwen out of the room.


	3. Disguise

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate them. I hope I'm still heading in the direction and that the story still feels like it flows. I'm trying really hard to stay true to the characters and I hope they sound like they're supposed to. Also, anything in italics is a flashback - kind of something new I'm trying since I don't work with flashbacks that often. So I hope that makes sense, too! _

_Things are going to start to pick up now. Soon, the temporary forgetting potion will wear off and then Merlin and Morgana's relationship will seem closer/more intense/etc. Right now I've kept it kind of light because that's the way I always thought of it in the show before she turned evil - they seemed like just friends - she was the king's ward and he was a servant and he was there for her. __Thank you again, I totally value the feedback!_

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><p><em>Chapter 3: Disguise<em>

_Three days later_

Although shadows darted here and there throughout the corridor, the only two solid shapes were that of Merlin and Morgana as they silently snuck down the length of the hallway, hiding behind a column occasionally, and slowing to a walk if they passed anyone. They were able to do this because Morgana was disguised as a peasant.

Gwen had taken an old brown blanket and fitted it to Morgana like a dress. The sleeves were frayed and the neckline scooped down into a modest V. To any passing eyes, the hem of the dress would look uneven, but Merlin could see that Gwen had methodically put it together with care. A thin piece of rope was tied around Morgana's waist, pulling her entire look together. Her hair was piled on top of her head and her feet were bare. Gwen had also thrown a black cloak over her shoulders and pulled the hood up so that she would be further unrecognizable.

"Don't I look just like a peasant?" Morgana had asked them excitedly, her pleased smile lighting up her face. As Gaius assured her that she made a riveting peasant, Merlin silently thought to himself that she did look just like a peasant.

"Gwen, you work wonders," Morgana had said, turning to her maidservant and putting a hand on her shoulder. Gwen bowed her head a bit and smiled at the compliment, but Merlin could see how strained that smile was and how tense her posture was.

Now, as they hurried along the corridor, Merlin watched Morgana closely out of the corner of his eye. He was relieved that she was keeping his pace; she wasn't planning on getting caught, either. He found he had a hard time breathing as they traveled through the castle. Gaius was right; if they were caught, that would be the end.

It had been Morgana's idea to do this.

"_Gaius, I don't feel like we're getting anywhere."_

_Gaius looked up from the stack of books at the table. "Whatever do you mean, Merlin?"_

"_It's just that, it's been three days, and we're still exactly where we started."_

"_Patience, Merlin." _

"_What about a permanent forgetting potion?" Merlin asked suddenly, leaning forward._

_Gaius was silent for a few moments. "I've thought about it," he admitted. "But if I know the way prophecies work, then I would think that in order for this prophecy to come true, Morgana would have to turn good of her own accord, while acknowledging all the evil she has done."_

"_Remorse," Merlin said flatly._

"_Exactly," Gaius agreed. "And I don't think the effect of a permanent forgetting spell would last for long. Morgana is not stupid."_

"_That's what I'm afraid of," Merlin said quietly, just as the door to his room opened._

_Morgana stepped confidently down the steps, her purple gown swaying as she strode purposely to the table. She took a seat next to Merlin, as if they had been the best of friends for all time, and looked at Gaius._

"_Is there something on your mind, milady?" Gaius asked her._

"_Why hasn't Arthur come to see me?" Morgana asked, her brow furrowed. "Or Uther?"_

_Gaius and Merlin exchanged a look._

_"Not that I care," Morgana added quickly. "I just thought perhaps they would have come to see how I was."_

_"Uther isn't well," Gaius said quietly, not daring to mention that he was unwell because of Morgana's betrayal. At the moment, Morgana didn't remember that she had betrayed her own father and her own kingdom._

_Merlin watched as Morgana stiffened. "What's wrong with him?" she asked casually._

_"Just an injury from the attack," Gaius said, before adding reassuringly, "Nothing at all serious." He looked at Merlin and Merlin realized the depth of the lie he had just told._

_"I wish to see the ruins," Morgana said suddenly._

_"The ruins?" Merlin echoed._

_"Yes, the ruins. You said the throne room was destroyed, along with my chambers?"_

_Merlin's heart began to race. "Yes…"_

_"The king said that you were not to leave here," Gaius reminded her. "He would be furious."_

_"What the king doesn't know won't hurt him," Morgana said with a defiant smile that was only too familiar. The sight of it made Merlin sick. If the betrayal hadn't occurred, he would have thought it was a shadow of things to come. He saw instead that it was a shadow of what had already been._

_Merlin caught her gaze. "We'll have to disguise you…"_

_"That's fine…"_

_"…as a peasant," he finished._

_Morgana nodded. "I understand."_

_"You must be careful," Gaius warned._

_"Of course," Morgana agreed, getting up from the table. "Gwen will be able to make me the perfect disguise." She walked back towards the steps, before turning and flashing another smile. "They don't call her the best seamstress in Camelot for nothing."_

_When she was gone, Merlin turned back to Gaius, exasperated. "Now what?"_

_"You're the one who agreed to take her on this outing," Gaius said, snapping his book closed. Merlin coughed as dust from the old volume filled his nose._

_"I couldn't exactly refuse," Merlin said, waving the dust away."We should have known she would get restless."_

_"All I can tell you Merlin is that you cannot allow anyone to see her," Gaius said, opening another book. "If she is found, I dare not think of what will happen."_

_Merlin nodded, before getting up and going to find Gwen. He had told Gwen (and Gwaine) about everything and they had agreed to keep silent. Gwen had been very reluctant to serve Morgana again, but had done so to help Merlin and to make sure that Arthur's future as king of Camelot would come to be. _

They were still quite a distance from the throne room when Merlin's worst fear came to pass.

Directly ahead, Arthur was discussing something with Sir Leon. Merlin quickly pushed Morgana into the corner, behind a wide, white column of stone. With a racing pulse, he leaned against the other side of it, where Arthur would see him, and not Morgana.

As soon as Arthur spotted him, he bid Sir Leon farewell, and walked over to him, the sound of his boots – the very boots that Merlin had polished the day before – echoing through the corridor.

"Ah, _Merlin_, there you are."

Merlin pressed harder against the stone column, as if that would hide Morgana better, or better yet, make them disappear.

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you all day. There's the little matter of my armor…" Arthur stopped suddenly, peering closely at Merlin's face. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing," Merlin said, forcing himself to swallow. "Why would I be hiding anything?" As if to prove his innocence, he forced himself to put on the widest, goofiest smile he could.

"Right," Arthur said slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"Your armor?" Merlin reminded him. "There's a problem with it?"

"Yes," Arthur said, folding his arms. "It wasn't repaired."

Merlin stared at him. He had been so busy looking through thick, hopeless books with Gaius that he had completely forgotten about that necessity.

"_Merlin_," Arthur's voice broke him out of his thoughts. "What's the matter with you today?"

"Just a bit tired," Merlin said. "I will get right on that armor."

Arthur stepped back and looked at him as if he were the strangest specimen he had ever seen. Then he shook his head, as if dismissing it. "See to it that you do," he said, before turning and walking back the way he came. Once he had turned the corner, Merlin let out a sigh of relief.

Morgana stepped out from behind her column. "I think that went very well," she said as she walked boldly back into the corridor. Her walk reminded Merlin very much of Arthur's strut.

"Peasants don't walk like that, milady," he reminded her, the corners of his mouth twitching into the slightest smile.

Morgana turned around and smiled confidently. "This peasant does. Are you coming?" She held out her hand. Merlin stared at it for a moment, as if touching it would burn him. Slowly, he walked to her and took it.

"There now," she said, patting it, her smile _warm_ and not evil. "There's nothing to be nervous about. I know a faster way to the throne room." She released his hand and turned the same way Arthur had.

_Nothing to be nervous about?_ Merlin thought bitterly. Morgana didn't know how wrong she was. He followed her, trying to ignore the feeling in his chest that something bad was going to happen.


	4. The Outing

_Chapter 4: The Outing_

Gaius would not be pleased.

That was all Merlin could think about as he leaned against a tree somewhere in a forest outside of Camelot. Gaius would not be pleased _at all_. It had already been a great risk leaving the physician's quarters to sneak around the castle; it was an even greater risk wandering around in a random forest outside the city gates.

But he couldn't say no to Morgana and that had been the problem. He knew it was because he had already hurt her unspeakably when he had poisoned her and although she did not have that memory back yet, he still couldn't bear to disappoint her in any way, no matter how small.

When they had come to a clearing in the forest with a small lake, Morgana had torn off her cloak and let it slide from her fingers to the ground as she took in the beauty of the small, abandoned lake. She had wandered through the grass aimlessly and continuously, doing nothing but walking back and forth and feeling the soft vegetation on her bare feet. When she was done doing that, she had sat at the edge of the lake and put her feet in the water.

Merlin couldn't get Morgana's reaction at seeing the ruined throne room out of his mind.

_They had walked into the throne room and Merlin immediately closed the door as Morgana threw back her hood so that she could see bettr. Merlin had closed his eyes momentarily against the heavy memories that were still so fresh in his mind. He opened them only when he heard Morgana's soft gasp._

_ He knew she was shocked, and rightfully so. The windows had been blown out and only jagged pieces of glass circled the window frame, letting in a sharp, cold breeze. Deep cracks resonated through the walls, or rather, what was left of them. Large piles of stones from the wall lay everywhere. It was not the beautiful, grand room it had once been._

_ Morgana stepped through the ruble, taking in every detail, searching like a hawk. Merlin watched as she looked up at the broken windows, and then knelt to touch some of the blocks of stone on the floor. She stood up straight again and resumed her tour. Merlin stayed near the door, partly so he could listen for anyone coming and partly because he didn't want to look at the destroyed throne room and remember what had happened._

_ He watched as Morgana got onto her knees by a chunk of the wall that was still intact, and looked up at what was left of the ceiling. Blue skies filled what stone did not and the beautiful sight clashed horribly with the havoc of the wrecked room. She slowly reached up and traced a crack in the wall, a ring on her finger glinting in the sunlight. She traced it four times._

_ When she turned back to him, he saw that her eyes were wet. The sight of the destruction of the throne room had upset her and what was so ironic was that she had caused it. But she didn't know that…yet._

_ "I can take you back," Merlin said quietly, not wanting to upset her more and not wanting to be there himself._

_ Morgana nodded, not looking him in the eye. _

_ It was at that moment that Merlin heard footsteps. Alarmed, he took Morgana's left hand as she pulled up her hood with her right. They hurried to the opposite side of the throne room, stepping over the piles of debris as quickly as they could without harming themselves. _

_ "You said you saw two figures go in there?" Arthur's voice asked from the other side of the door. _

_ Merlin could not hear the muffled response and he wasn't going to wait around to hear it, either. He found a breach in the wall and pulled Morgana towards it. It led outside and luckily for them, it was not a long way down._

_ They have climbed, half jumped down, landing in soft grass. Merlin could hear the confused shouts of the guards above. He knew he had to get Morgana back to Gaius's chambers. They had been out far too long already._

_ But when he went to circle the castle, he felt her resist him and pull him back to where she was standing. She looked over the wall, towards the woods, and back at him, her green eyes pleading._

_ Merlin looked down at her, knowing what she wanted but not wanting to acknowledge it._

_ "Please," she said quietly, looking up at him._

_ "It's too dangerous," he said, feeling his anxiety rising. Arthur and the guards would find them at any moment._

_ Morgana pulled her hand away from his. "Just for today. Please, Merlin. I hate feeling like a prisoner."_

_ Merlin internally sighed. He had to have foreseen this coming. Of course she felt like a prisoner, with nowhere to roam but a physician's chambers and no one to talk to but an old man and a servant._

_ How they made it past the guards and out of the city's walls, he wasn't quite sure. The alarm bells rang in his ears the entire time._

And that was how they had stumbled into a forest. That was how he was leaning against a tree, holding the black cloak that she had dropped, holding it for her and waiting for her to grow tired of their surroundings and ask to be brought back.

Merlin knew he should feel glad that Morgana was not evil at the moment. He knew he should feel glad that she didn't have the poison memory or any Morgause memories and that she seemed to be just the king's ward again, just like she was at a time when things were less complicated. But he couldn't find solace in any of those thoughts.

It was because he knew the truth. It bothered him more than he could say that she was unaware of everything she had done, while he knew every morbid detail. He knew what she was capable of. She thought that everything was completely normal and he knew that things were not at all right. And as he watched her gaze at the water, the setting sun reflecting off it, he found it hard to believe that she had tried to kill each and every one of them. As she sat there in her new peasant dress, he found it hard to believe that she had turned against them all so dramatically.

But Morgana was Merlin's friend again, even if it was just for a short amount of time. He dug his fingers into the soft fabric of the cloak, hating that she would once again turn into the evil half-sister of Morgause when the potion wore off.

"Merlin?"

Morgana's voice brought him back to reality. She was still sitting at the edge of the lake, but had turned to look at him.

"Thank you for taking me here," she said. "I know it was dangerous and that you risked the disapproval of Arthur and Uther to do so."

_If only it were that simple_, Merlin thought. _If only the disapproval of Arthur and Uther were the only things at risk._ He knew there was far more to worry about than that.

"You're a good friend," Morgana said sincerely, before turning back to the lake and making ripples in the water with her fingers.

Merlin forced himself to breath. Any biting insult, any evil smirk, any other remark, would never hurt as much as those four words did. He remembered that Morgana had said that to him once before…and then he had poisoned her only moments after. Once her memory had fully returned, she would never speak those words to him again.

It was getting later. Gaius would not be pleased. But he would understand. Merlin knew he, of all people, would understand.


	5. Nightmares

_Chapter 5: Nightmares_

In her dream, Morgana was angry.

_She saw herself riding through a forest in the dead of the night, her face a mask of pain. She felt betrayed. She felt unloved. She felt like she didn't have a friend in the world. She didn't even know where she was going, but it was better than where she had been, where people pretended to care. Her horse reared up suddenly in alarm and Morgana braced herself for danger as somebody grabbed the reins…_

_There was a burst of bright, white light and the scene changed. An army was charging into Camelot. There were so many armed men, more than she could even dream to count. They filled the streets, heading right for the castle. There was fighting and shouting and confusion. Morgana saw herself there, in the dining room, a dagger in her hand. Up ahead, she saw someone in a red cape fall to the ground. She couldn't tell if it was Uther or Arthur. But she could tell that whoever it was wasn't moving…_

_The scene changed and Morgana saw her own face twisted in rage, screaming as her wet, green eyes concentrated only on one thing…the body that she was stabbing continuously in front of her…_

She sat up in bed and let out one, loud, terrified scream. She hadn't had a nightmare that intense in quite awhile. And if this nightmare held events that would come to pass, like many of her other nightmares had, then the weight she felt was real. Camelot would be in danger and either Uther or Arthur would die. And what of herself? She couldn't imagine why she would be running away in the woods, or why she would feel such hatred that she would continue to stab something that was already dead.

Gaius and Merlin had burst through the door, but she didn't see them. She was too busy twisting Merlin's blanket between her fingers, trying to make sense of what she had seen and trying to decide what she should do.

"Milady? Milady, are you all right?" came Gaius's voice from her left.

She didn't know. Should she tell them? Or would they just think she was insane? But Gaius and Merlin _knew_ it was magic, they knew. They would have to take her seriously. Gaius knew that things she had dreamed had already come to pass before.

"Morgana!" came Merlin's voice from her right. "_Morgana_!"

Someone was shaking her. She forced her eyes away from the one spot she had been concentrating on and snapped her attention to Gaius and Merlin.

"Yes," she said quickly, forcing herself to smile. "Yes, I'm fine."

Merlin and Gaius exchanged a glance. Why did it seem like they were always doing that?

"You were screaming," said Gaius, his brow furrowed in concern. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"That's all it was," Morgana said dismissively. "Just another silly nightmare. I'm fine." As if to prove her point, she smiled again, although Merlin saw that it didn't reach her eyes.

Gaius patted her arm. "I'll go prepare you a sleeping draught," he said grimly, before handing Merlin the candle and leaving the room.

Silence filled the air as Morgana thought. She couldn't believe that she was capable of being such a monster.

Merlin noticed that Morgana was shaking slightly. He wondered what she could have seen that disturbed her so.

"Would you like me to get you another blanket?" Merlin asked quietly, wincing internally at the stupid question he had just asked. _She's not shaking because she's cold, Merlin!_

"No thank you, Merlin," Morgana said, her voice even quieter than his had been.

Again with the silence. Merlin didn't force her to say anything. He waited patiently for her to break the silence.

"I don't understand why I'm like this," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't understand why I was cursed with this."

"Don't think that," Merlin said firmly. He never wanted people to think of their magic as a curse, because he knew if magic was used the right way, it was never a curse. "It's a gift. You have it for a reason."

For the first time since she had awoken, Morgana raised her head to look at him. "What's that reason?"

"I don't know," Merlin admitted. "But I do know that you're not cursed."

Gaius came back at that moment and gave her the sleeping draught. Morgana took it gratefully, although she wasn't sure if it would help. Gaius, after asking if she needed anyting else, bid her goodnight. But as Merlin bowed his head to say goodnight and went to follow Gaius out of the room, Morgana stopped him.

"Wait, Merlin," she said.

Merlin looked to Gaius, who merely shrugged and went down the stairs.

When he looked back at Morgana, he saw that she looked small and unsure of herself. "Will you stay with me?" she asked him. "Just for a little while?"

Merlin, a bit surprised, nodded. He understood that she didn't want to be alone. He pulled a chair out of the corner and sat next to the bed.

For the hour or two that Morgana remained awake, Merlin talked to her. He helped her sort through her feelings about magic and about her own gift, until she accepted it and gradually forgot about her nightmare. He told her stories about Arthur and made her laugh, until he was laughing himself. They reminisced about earlier in the day, when they had snuck through the castle like a pair of fools. And when she had finally fallen asleep, Merlin quietly left and went downstairs.

Gaius was not sleeping. He was sitting at the table and by the light of the candle, Merlin saw all the books were gone.

"You found a way to turn her good?" Merlin asked, cheering up slightly.

The light illuminated Gaius's face. "No," he said. "I've found that there isn't a way to turn her."

Merlin sat down across from the man who had been a father figure for so long. "What do you mean?"

"She has to turn herself," Gaius said simply. "There isn't anything we can do to force it."

Merlin's hopes sunk. "No," he whispered, thinking a moment, before saying louder, "No. The Morgana we've come to know is set in her ways. She'll destroy the Camelot we know. It's suicide, Gaius."

"Perhaps," Gaius replied. "Perhaps not. We have no way of knowing. And we have no choice but to let the forgetting potion wear off."

"How will we know?" Merlin asked timidly. "How can we tell when that begins to happen?"

Gaius pulled a lone book out from under the table. It was a dull blue book, the pages yellow from age and the book itself thick. He placed it next to the candle.

"According to this book," Gaius explained, giving the book a friendly pat, "there are three signs that will occur when the potion has begun to wear off. However, they are all very difficult to sense. Only Morgana herself would truly be able to feel what is happening and she won't even know they are signs. We will have to keep a very close eye on her and see if her behavior changes."

Merlin leaned forward urgently. "What are the signs?"

Gaius took his hand off the book. "The first sign is that the taker of the potion will gain a feeling back, a feeling that they strongly had before they took the potion. In Morgana's case, I'm guessing that this will be a feeling of hatred or evil."

Merlin nodded, listening intensely.

"The second sign is that the taker of the potion will gain back a single memory of an event that has happened very recently, just around the time that they consumed the potion. For Morgana, this could be anything during the time when she was briefly Queen of Camelot."

Merlin felt his chest tighten. Gaius was right; these signs were going to be very difficult to notice because they would all be in Morgana's heart and mind. They couldn't tell what exactly was in her mind unless she told them.

"The third sign is that the taker of the potion will gain back a single memory that happened in the past. This memory will be a traumatic one, and one that is not too old and not too recent. For Morgana, it will most likely be something that happened at least over a year ago."

Gaius fell silent as he finished. Merlin said nothing as he thought about this new, distressing information.

"I don't think any of these signs have occurred yet," Gaius added reassuringly. "That is the bright side, if there is such a thing in our case."

"How much time do we have left?" Merlin asked suddenly.

"I haven't the slightest idea."

Merlin nodded. He got up from the table. Before he could leave, Gaius held out a hand to stop him.

"I fear what it is she saw in her dream," Gaius said in a low voice. "Did she tell you?"

Merlin shook his head. He realized that she hadn't mentioned it, and he hadn't tried to ask her.

* * *

><p><em>AN: So yup, the potion will now start to wear off. Everyone still think this is making sense and going in the right direction? Your feedback totally helps. :) _


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